British Steel, Sold for Peanuts, Now Costs Billions: Well Done UK Gov, You’ve Played Yourself
Welcome to Global Britain™—where we don’t just sell the family silver, we throw in the cutlery, the dining table, and the actual house too, all for the price of a Wetherspoons breakfast and a vague promise of "foreign investment."
And the latest prize in our great national car boot sale?
British Steel.
You remember steel, right? That little thing we use to build bridges, tanks, railways, and, you know, a functional nation?
---
The Backstory (aka: How Not to Run a Country 101)
Flashback to 2020: British Steel is circling the drain. Instead of investing in it, the government decides to play Dragon’s Den with the UK’s industrial backbone. After rejecting literally everyone else (because there was no one else), they shake hands with Jingye, a steel company from China no one had heard of, offering vague “investment vibes.”
Cost to the UK taxpayer at the time?
£1 million a day to keep the lights on.
The deal?
"Here, take our steel industry, just promise you’ll do something cool with it. Pinky swear."
---
Fast-Forward to 2025: Surprise, It’s On Fire
Turns out, Jingye’s “£1.2 billion investment” mostly came in the form of loans, meaning British Steel is now £711 million in debt to its new landlord. And who’s profiting from the interest payments? Yep. Jingye again.
It’s the economic version of buying your own pint back… at triple the price.
Losses over two years? £640 million.
Interest payments to Jingye? £60 million.
Dignity left? Somewhere near zero.
---
Trump’s Tariffs: Salt, Meet Wound
As if things weren’t bad enough, Donald Trump has entered the group chat, flinging tariffs at anything that moves (and even things that don’t—RIP uninhabited islands).
UK steel? Tariffed.
British jobs? Jeopardized.
Hope? Optional.
We’re now looking at a real possibility of being the only G7 nation that can’t make its own steel. But hey, we’ll still have jam, nimbys, and a new Greggs opening in Huddersfield, so everything’s fine.
---
Meanwhile, in France…
Remember that plant in Hayange, France?
Macron said “Non” to letting it fall into Chinese hands. Why? Because it was strategic and supplied the national railway.
And us?
We said: “Sure, take it—just tell us you’ll be nice.”
---
So, What Now?
Labour might have to re-nationalise British Steel (translation: “clean up this flaming disaster with taxpayer money”). A heroic rescue attempt? Perhaps. A national humiliation? Definitely.
We’re now left with two options:
1. Spend billions we don’t have to fix a mess we created.
2. Let British Steel die and import girders from abroad while claiming we’re “levelling up.”
---
Final Thoughts:
Selling off British Steel without proper oversight wasn’t just short-sighted—it was like selling your kidneys and then asking to borrow them back with interest.
Well done, UK Government.
You’ve turned “taking back control” into “please sir, can I have some ore?”
But hey, at least we’ve still got a world-class bin strike and rats in Birmingham to distract us from the economic dumpster fire.
Comments
Post a Comment