The Government’s Master Plan: Grow the Population, Shrink the Economy!

The Government’s Master Plan: Grow the Population, Shrink the Economy!

Ah, Britain—the land of tea, sarcasm, and an economic strategy so brilliant that it could only have been cooked up by someone who’s never run a corner shop, let alone a country. The latest genius move? Increase the population density to “boost GDP,” while simultaneously running local councils into the ground and declaring bankruptcy like it’s a new TikTok trend.

Confetti Bankruptcy: A New British Tradition

Somerset Council’s leader, Bill Revans, recently sounded the alarm that local councils across the UK will be declaring bankruptcy “like confetti.” Ah, confetti—a delightful image. Who needs well-funded public services when we can throw metaphorical financial scraps into the air and dance in the ruins of our economy?

But why are councils broke? Well, it turns out that funding essential services—like social care, education, and not having potholes that double as swimming pools—costs money. And instead of, I don’t know, reforming the system, the government’s solution has been to increase council tax, borrow against assets they don’t have, and sell off everything that isn’t nailed down. A foolproof plan!

The "More People = More Money" Fallacy

Apparently, someone in the government read half a page of an economics book and thought, "If we just increase the number of people, GDP will go up!" Technically, this is true—if you count selling more Tesco meal deals as economic growth. But what they forgot is that GDP per capita is what actually matters for living standards.

More people means:

• More demand for housing → Housing crisis intensifies.
• More demand for schools → Education system buckles under pressure.
• More demand for hospitals → NHS waiting lists become retirement plans.
• More demand for jobs → Wages stagnate as employers swim in an ocean of desperate applicants.
• More demand for infrastructure → Who needs roads, anyway? Have you tried walking?

The Great British Ponzi Scheme

At this point, the UK economy is operating like a poorly managed Ponzi scheme. We’re bringing in more people to temporarily boost the economy while ignoring the fact that there’s no long-term strategy to support them. It’s like hosting a dinner party for 10 guests when you only have two chairs, one plate, and half a tin of beans.

Governments have been using population growth as an economic crutch instead of fixing actual systemic problems. Instead of increasing productivity, investing in automation, or supporting local businesses, they’re banking on sheer numbers to keep the economy afloat. Spoiler alert: This doesn’t work.

Council Taxes Skyrocket, Services Vanish

While the government is playing The Sims with real people, actual residents are facing the harsh reality of skyrocketing council tax for fewer and fewer services. Garden waste collection? Pay extra. Road maintenance? Maybe in 2035. Local libraries? What’s a book?

At this rate, councils will be charging us a “breathing tax” to make up for the shortfall. “Want fresh air? That’ll be £15 a month, mate.”

So, What’s the Solution?

Oh, wouldn’t the government love to know! It turns out you can’t just keep cramming more people into a broken system and hoping for the best. Maybe—just maybe—the UK should:

1. Reform local government funding – Let’s stop making councils rely on council tax hikes and magic bean sales.
2. Invest in infrastructure – If we’re going to have more people, we need more schools, hospitals, and public transport that isn’t powered by hopes and prayers.
3. Increase productivity instead of population – Other countries do this thing where they invest in technology and innovation. Revolutionary, I know.

But no, why fix the problem when we can just increase the population, throw confetti at bankrupt councils, and pretend everything is fine?

Welcome to Britain. Please bring your own bin collection.