Border Force Strikes: Because Saving Lives and Stopping Smugglers Wasn't Chaotic Enough

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Border Force Strikes: Because Saving Lives and Stopping Smugglers Wasn't Chaotic Enough

Just when you thought the situation in the English Channel couldn’t get more, well… “British,” Border Force patrol crews have decided to go on strike! That’s right, the very people tasked with intercepting small boats, stopping drug smugglers, and preventing an actual human version of Finding Nemo from washing up on Dover’s shores have had enough.

And why, you ask? Not because they’re tired of pulling overloaded dinghies out of the sea at 3 AM in gale-force winds, but because their pay review has been stuck in government purgatory for five years. Five. Whole. Years. That’s longer than most gym memberships last, longer than a British Prime Minister's typical tenure, and longer than it takes to get planning permission for a new Tesco Express.

When Even Border Force Has a "Sod This" Moment

Let’s break this down: the same people risking their lives every day to prevent illegal migration, smuggling, and—let’s not forget—the occasional lunatic armed with an AK-47 haven’t had a proper pay adjustment since before Brexit actually happened. I mean, by now, some of them have probably been promoted from "young and hopeful" to "grizzled veteran of bureaucratic nonsense."

The union, understandably, has had enough. They want not only an immediate pay raise from April but also compensation for all the money they’ve missed out on while waiting for this review to wrap up. Sounds reasonable, right? I mean, if you were working overtime every day, saving lives, and preventing national security risks, you’d probably want more than just a Costa Coffee discount as a reward.

A Border Crisis? Let’s Make It Even More Fun!

But don’t worry, the government has assured us that they have “robust plans in place to minimize disruption.” Which is government-speak for “we have no idea what we’re doing, but we’ll pretend we do.” Will they replace the striking Border Force officers with traffic wardens? Maybe borrow some lifeguards from Brighton beach? Or just cross their fingers and hope the migrants take a day off?

Let’s not forget, migrant crossings have already hit record levels this year. Over 4,000 crossings have happened in the first few months of 2025, which means twice as many people are arriving as they were in 2022. And now, the very people trained to deal with this situation are walking off the job.

Meanwhile, a man linked to a militant group who posed with AK-47s managed to arrive on one of these boats just last week. No worries though—he got arrested! Great news, everyone! Only took a small wooden boat trip across the English Channel for him to get here first.

The Home Office: Masters of Disaster

Naturally, the Home Office is on the case, reassuring the public (or at least trying to). They claim they are working with the union to reach a deal that "benefits the taxpaying public and those hard-working Border Force staff.”

Oh, fantastic! Because nothing screams “benefiting the public” like letting an already chaotic immigration crisis spiral into complete anarchy. At this rate, we might as well install self-checkout machines at Dover Port so that incoming boats can scan their own passports.

Press 1 if you're seeking asylum.
Press 2 if you're carrying illegal substances.
Press 3 if you're unsure whether Britain will even let you stay.

Border Force vs. The Government: Who Will Break First?

In an Olympic-level standoff, the PCS union has made it clear that unless they get their rightful pay (and, you know, compensation for years of financial neglect), things are going to get very interesting at sea.

But given the Home Office’s incredible history of dealing with crises (cough Windrush, Brexit visas, Rwanda flights, cough), it wouldn’t be surprising if this drags on until we have Border Force staff starting a GoFundMe just to keep gas in their patrol boats.

So, if you’re planning on a summer getaway to France, bring a dinghy, because at this rate, you’ll have a faster and less stressful time rowing yourself across the Channel than waiting for the Home Office to figure this one out.

Meanwhile, the migrants? Well, let’s just say they might be the only ones who still have an uninterrupted route into Britain.

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