The Great British Exodus: Refugees Welcome in North Korea!

The Great British Exodus: Refugees Welcome in North Korea!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have officially reached the point in our great nation's history where British citizens are considering seeking asylum—and not in the usual places like Spain or Dubai, but in North Korea. Yes, you read that right. The land of Kim Jong-un, where electricity is an optional luxury and the best way to watch a movie is to smuggle a USB stick across the border, is now looking like a reasonable alternative to the United Kingdom.

The State of the Nation: Fleeing for Our Lives

The situation in Britain has escalated beyond a joke. The NHS, once the pride of the nation, now operates like an underground boxing ring—you get patched up if you survive the ten-hour waiting time. The police? Oh, they’re busy attending sensitivity training or recording TikTok videos. As for justice, well, you’ll have more luck appealing to the local Sharia court, which now has better funding than the actual legal system.

The super-wealthy saw the writing on the wall years ago and took their money to Monaco, leaving behind a nation of disillusioned workers and the only people who can afford London property: oligarchs, dodgy crypto traders, and landlords who still think 8% yield is a birthright.

The final straw? The British Refugee Crisis—not one of people coming in, but people desperate to get out. Flights to the UAE and Switzerland are fully booked, and now, in a bizarre twist of fate, North Korea has become the next big expat destination.

Why North Korea?

The UK used to pride itself on things like democracy, free speech, and fish & chips. But now?

Free speech? Careful, mate—you could get arrested for misgendering someone on Twitter.

Democracy? A farce. Elections are just extended pantomimes where the options range from "More Taxes" to "Even More Taxes".

Law and order? Police only show up if you tweet something offensive, but if your car gets nicked, they'll "log it for data purposes."

Meanwhile, in North Korea:

No one bothers you about pronouns.

Zero council tax.

No Just Stop Oil protesters gluing themselves to things (although trying that would get you, well… eliminated).

Crime rates? Surprisingly low. Probably because there’s no crime when you’re not legally allowed to report it!

What’s Next?

If this trend continues, British expats will be setting up fish and chip shops in Pyongyang, and "Coronation Street" will be replaced by "Dear Leader's Daily Triumphs" on state TV. Meanwhile, the last remaining Brits in the UK will be left fighting over the last remaining NHS hospital bed while the government considers taxing the air we breathe.

The real question is: when will the BBC start airing documentaries about our refugee camps in Pyongyang?

So, to those looking for a better life, pack your bags, exchange your GBP for North Korean Won (good luck with that), and get ready to enjoy your new home under the watchful eye of the Dear Leader. At least there, you know you're living under a dictatorship.

And for those staying in the UK? Well… at least we still have Greggs.

Bon Voyage!