From Meat to Toilet Paper – The Real Trade War Begins

From Meat to Toilet Paper – The Real Trade War Begins

Well folks, if you thought international politics couldn’t get any more dramatic, hold onto your toilet rolls—because we’ve officially entered Stage 5: Petty Revenge of the global trade saga. Yes, the EU has fired back with a crisp, €28 billion slap on U.S. goods, and apparently nothing is safe—not your steak, not your paper towels, and most definitely not your beloved two-ply.

Enter stage right: Donald J. Trump, looking more defiant than a cat refusing to get off the kitchen counter. The man who once proudly declared, “Trade wars are good, and easy to win,” is now at the helm of what might be the most inconvenient battle since the Great British Kettle Crisis (which, okay, wasn’t real—but imagine!).

So what’s on the EU’s naughty list?

Meat? Check.

Toilet paper? Double check.

Probably bald eagles next, if they could figure out how to tariff birds.

It’s like a diplomatic episode of Supermarket Sweep, but instead of grabbing items, we're slapping tariffs on them and hoping no one cries into their now-expensive napkins.

Let’s fact-check:

$28 billion in tariffs: True. That’s enough to build several golden escalators for Mar-a-Lago.

Toilet paper in the crossfire: Also true. Apparently, wiping with dignity is now a luxury.

Trump causing it all? Well, let’s just say… “It’s complicated.” Like a Facebook status, or understanding TikTok if you’re over 40.

We’re watching all this unfold while sipping lukewarm tea and wondering if we should start hoarding Andrex again—because when the EU says “no TP for you,” we remember 2020. And we’re not doing that again.

So brace yourself. The meat might be tough, but the jokes write themselves. And in the words of Trump’s imaginary inner monologue:

> “If they tariff toilet paper, I’ll just wipe with the Constitution—some say it’s the softest document, really.”