Title: Big Tech Pays Less Tax Than Your Nan’s Bingo Winnings
Right, gather round Britain, because the Silicon Six—those global tech titans with more cash than sense—have apparently paid less in tax than it costs to fill in a pothole in Birmingham. And considering the state of Birmingham’s roads, that’s saying something.
A new report shows Alphabet, Amazon, Apple, Meta, Microsoft, and Netflix have collectively dodged nearly £278 billion in tax over the past decade. Meanwhile, Janet in Dudley just had her disability benefits reassessed for the fifth time this year because apparently owning a kettle makes you fit to work.
Amazon, bless 'em, said it’s not their fault—they pay the taxes the law tells them to. Yes, and I follow the law when I park on double yellows for "just 5 minutes," too. If only the rest of us could offshore our MOTs and council tax to Luxembourg.
Netflix, the nation’s provider of crime documentaries and marital breakdowns, chimed in with a similar vibe: “We pay what we’re told to.” Imagine if you tried that line with HMRC: “Sorry, didn’t realise I needed to declare that eBay side hustle.” Boom—fine. Interest. Possibly a court date.
And while Birmingham’s bin collectors are striking for a livable wage and potholes are now deep enough to qualify as minor archaeological digs, these corporate behemoths are tucking their profits safely into jurisdictions where the taxman wears flip-flops.
Meanwhile, Tim Cook, Jeff Bezos, and the Musk-Zuck bromance club are having polite lunches with world leaders and probably discussing how to privatise clouds. Because why fix potholes when you can invest in a smart road that drives itself over the poor?
So here’s the deal: we foot the bill. We patch the roads. We fight the DWP gremlins to prove that walking to the fridge doesn’t count as cardio. And the tech giants? They float above it all, wrapped in legal loopholes and platinum parachutes.
Next time your bin isn’t collected or your gran gets rejected for her blue badge, remember—at least Netflix is saving enough to make another series of Bridgerton. Priorities.
#BinTaxRevolution #PotholesAndProfits #TechLoopholeOlympics
Comments
Post a Comment