Dear loyal clients, accidental website visitors, and people just looking for a man with a van,
Today, April 1st, we're thrilled (and by "thrilled," we mean mildly alarmed) to announce a groundbreaking transformation here at Handyman Plus Van.
We’re going corporate. That’s right. Suits. Tie clips. PowerPoint presentations. The whole lot.
No more turning up with a warm cup of tea, a pencil behind the ear, and a van full of actual tools. Oh no—now it's all about KPIs, AI-powered screwdrivers, and strategic bolt-tightening alignment synergy. Don’t worry if you don’t understand that last bit—we don’t either. But it sounded impressive, didn’t it?
New Services We're Trialing (Just For April… or Never):
Quantum Plumbing: Where the leak both exists and doesn’t exist until you call us.
AI-Powered Paintbrushes: They judge your colour choices in real-time. You will be shamed for “eggshell white.”
Van Yoga: Because the van needs spiritual alignment too.
Right to Work Psychic Verifications: We gaze into the aura of each subcontractor. Green aura? They're good to go. Red? HMRC is watching.
Uniform Update:
All staff must now wear hi-vis tuxedos. Safety and style.
Customer Support Upgrade:
Our new chatbot “KevBot3000” responds to all queries with “Have you tried turning it off and on again?” No exceptions. It’s surprisingly versatile—even with plumbing.
In All Seriousness…
Okay, April Fools aside—Handyman Plus Van is still your go-to for real, no-nonsense, hard grafting, honest work. No bots, no briefcases, and definitely no ego.
Just a man, a van, and a mission to fix what your mate Dave swore he could "do cheaper." (He couldn’t.)
So whether your door’s hanging off, your tap’s become a rogue fountain, or your shelf has accepted gravity as its new god—give us a ring. We’ll turn up with the tools, the know-how, and maybe even a biscuit or two.
Stay safe, stay sarcastic,
– Ian @ Handyman Plus Van
P.S. No, we are not offering “smart bricks” that build themselves. Yet.
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